


Scars

by hollyhobbit101



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Body Horror, Gen, Great Wall of Sam, Hallucinations, Hell Trauma, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam, Hurt Sam Winchester, Mental Health Issues, Post-Hell, Post-Hell Sam Winchester, Scars, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, hell memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyhobbit101/pseuds/hollyhobbit101
Summary: They say Hell leaves scars on the soul, and these scars will sometimes manifest onto the physical body if they are cut deep enough.Sam has more scars than most hunters, and there's a reason behind it.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written for the OhSam Celebrating Sam challenge, but I missed the deadline by months. I couldn't get this idea out of my head though, so I had to write it down. 
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: Later in this work there is a mention of a suicide attempt as a result of Sam's hallucinations so please don't read if this bothers you in any way.

They say Hell leaves scars on the soul and that, if cut deep enough, they will appear on the physical body. Of course, this theory is just a theory as, well, most people simply don’t just come back from Hell and many aren’t inclined to go around digging up bodies on the off chance they may have some new scars marring the rotting flesh.

When Castiel raised Dean Winchester from Perdition he healed the Righteous Man’s battered and broken soul. Any mark deep enough to manifest disappeared under the angel’s touch and, when he was done, the only scar that remained was a handprint burnt onto his right shoulder. Castiel tried to do the same for Sam and, indeed, thought he had succeeded as there was no trace of Hell on Sam’s body upon his return from the pit. But it is difficult to heal a soul that is not there and so the scars remained.

And Death? Death was not so kind.

It did not matter to him what condition one insignificant soul was in. As long as the boy could walk and talk then he could get Dean off his back and go back to reaping souls rather than raising them. So Sam’s soul would remain scarred and flayed for all eternity.

Dean learned not to ask after the first time. He had spotted some angry red marks peeking out of the collar of Sam’s shirt and demanded his brother tell him what happened. Sam’s brow had furrowed in confusion then he had collapsed to the floor, his face contorted into a look of abject terror. He had stayed like that for almost half an hour, unresponsive to Dean’s pleas, eyes flitting madly back and forward like he was watching something Dean couldn’t see. Much to his brother’s relief, Sam eventually pulled himself out of whatever nightmare he was stuck in, but he refused to talk about it, and Dean tried not to worry in an attempt to keep Sam’s wall from crumbling utterly. Of course, that plan failed utterly and the wall was obliterated anyway. Granted, that wasn’t Sam’s fault but it made everything so much worse as Sam knew how every single scar had come into being and, with Lucifer lurking at every corner, it made it all the harder to keep Sam grounded and present.

Sometimes Dean would wonder if his idea to use the scar on Sam’s left hand as a way of keeping Lucifer at bay was such a good idea. Sure, the pain that made the mark may not have been real then, but it sure was now, and some of Sam’s Hell-scars were far worse than a simple slice across the hand.

(And, God, Dean would never forget the time he had arrived back at the motel room to find Sam attempting to scratch open the silvery marks that traced vertically up his wrists. He had grabbed his brother’s hands and his heart had shattered as Sam looked up at him with unshed tears in his eyes and whispered that he just wanted it to stop.)

After Sam’s admission into the mental hospital the doctor had taken him aside and quietly asked about the numerous scars that webbed out across Sam’s body, particularly the twisted mass of tissue across his lower back (and Dean had almost laughed about that because apparently the one scar that wasn’t Hell related was cause for the most concern). He had spun some bullshit story that the doctor didn’t seem to believe but, honestly, Dean couldn’t care less because it was the best he could come up with and if that wasn’t good enough then they could see how they liked the truth instead.

Things got easier after Cas took away the hallucinations. Easier, but not ever easy, because, as Sam frequently pointed out, he had only taken the madness, not the memories. Sam took to covering up as much of his body as he could to avoid unwanted questions and stares. He would still flinch slightly and shrink in on himself a little whenever Lucifer’s name was mentioned, and Dean could only imagine what it must have felt like to be forced to work with him after everything he had done to Sam.

The worst thing, though? Cas had offered to heal Sam many times. He said his grace wasn’t powerful enough anymore to get rid of all the marks, but he could remove the worst ones if Sam wanted. Dean was ready to jump on the opportunity, but Sam had refused every single time. And Dean swore his blood froze for a moment when Sam had darkly muttered that he needed the reminder.


End file.
